My First Super Magic Ultimate Toilet

The Day Has Finally Come...

As I stepped into our company restroom today, a newcomer greeted me within my stall:

[Dun…Dun…Dun… …. DUNT DUH!!!]

For years I’ve heard about them, and today was my day to get to experience it “firsthand”.

I remember my friend Ben Keane telling a joke in 5th or 6th grade about a guy who snuck into the girls room in Japan and the toilet seat with 3 buttons and it automatically washed and dried your backside.

Well this one’s got 15 buttons!!! Check this bad boy out:

1. STOP. Very important
2. WASH. Key feature. Going nowhere without this one.
3. BIDET. The only button I didn’t have the courage to try.
4. DRY. Delivers as promised.
5. NOZZLE CLEAN. I guess the nozzle gets dirty from time to time. This extends the nozzle without turning any water on.
6. ECONOMY. I think this turns off all heating functions. Only for cheapskates. If you can’t afford to have your magic toilet use warm air and water, what’s the point?
7. WATER TEMP. Lets you adjust the temperature of the water.
8. AIR. Lets you adjust the air temperature. I recommend “M”
9. SEAT. This lets you pre-warm the toilet seat itself. These things are popular in Japan, and I’ve heard they have several cold-toilet-seat related deaths each year.
10. MASSAGE ON/OFF. I’ll admit this was the first button I pressed. Maybe it shakes the seat to keep you comfortable while you sit? No such luck. It pulsates the water if you prefer. Just a gimmick if you ask me.
11. MOVE ON/OFF. Didn’t figure this one out yet. Does it move the nozzle head to improve your massage? This may require further investigation.
12. PRESSURE – HI. Adjusts water and air pressure. Honestly, highest water pressure was a little disappointing.
13. PRESSURE – LOW. See above
14. NOZZLE – FORWARD. Moves nozzle forward to help get that perfect trajectory.
15. NOZZLE – BACKWARD. In case you overshot the perfect trajectory while pressing #14 lets you re-adjust backwards.

Nozzle extended in "Nozzle Clean" mode.

In all, I think we’re going to have a wonderful relationship, Mr. Super Toilet! But, please don’t electrocute me…

I don't think I've seen a single grounded plug in Cambodia.